To Ben Dommenech:
I know today is probably a hard one, and there's not much I can say that will make it better. But I just want you to hold one tiny thought in the forefront of your (somewhat smallish) brain as you look out at Washington--the busy streets, the gulls--and realize your life has taken a pretty ugly turn.
Ben: Ridicule, contempt, even outright hostility are the highest forms of flattery. They really are.
I know the quote used to read: "Imitation is the highest form of flattery" but, well, that cuts a little close to your, um, modus operandi, so I want to adjust it some, you know, change a few words, just to help you out.
Ben, you are not a victim. I should know. Neither am I.
You see Ben, like you, I never imagined that my writing, my ideas, would come to be featured at a rival website, held up to scrutiny, put under a magnifying glass, commented upon by whatever raffish, feckless passersby would care to toss off. (Of course, one little difference Ben: they really were my own ideas. But, small matter.)
So, in fact, as little as you imagined becoming a celebrity here at Dkos, neither did I imagine that they'd have me for skewer over at Free Republic. Granted, it's just a small thing, a little editorial chit-chat, but nonetheless, the concept is largely the same.
Sometimes it's just plain easier to be hated than being loved. Such is the modern world.
You see, Ben, I wrote this editorial with the best of intentions of exposing the hypocrisy, the waste, the fraud of No Child Left Behind, and winning some real plaudits and positive juju from the folks here at DKos. Well, the best laid plans... look what I found this morning after a Google search: at Free Republic
Huh? I even got a few of the very Red souls over there to agree with me about having the Federal Government in charge of inspiring local schools to become better. Ahh, small victories are sometimes sweetest...
Anyway, Ben, I hope you won't take this hard. Buck up. There are people out here who understand how difficult it can be when you stay up late at night, do all this incredible research, work really, really hard on making a favorable impression, and all anyone can see is how wrong you are. They kind of like you better when they can safely say that, in fact, you really are less, a lot less, than they originally thought you were.
And so, I repeat: Ridicule, contempt, even outright hostility, Ben, are the highest forms of flattery. You have finally made it. I never imagined that I would be featured on The Free Republic, much less go toe-to-toe with his anus, Ruben Navarrette. So, congratulations. You're in the club. You're one of us. Or, really, kind of like, two of us in a way.
P.S. And Ben, please don't use this content without proper credit in a future column. Peace.